The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has beenreached to adopt English as the preferred language for Europeancommunications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that Englishspelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phasedplan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the soft “c”. Sertainly,sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard “c” will bereplaced with “k”. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriterskan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when thetroublesome “ph” will be replaced by “f”. This will make words like”fotograf” 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted toreach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governmentswill enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben adeterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes ofsilent “e”s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” by”z” and “w” by ” v”.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining”ou”, and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations ofleters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mortrubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Zedrem vil finali kum tru.