To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
The moon is a planet, just like the earth, only it is even deader.
A right angle is 90 degrees Fahrenheit.
Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places so they look like umbrellas.
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don’t, why you should.
The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
A permanent set of teeth consist of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Liter: a nest of young puppies.
Magnet: something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
Momentum: what you give a person when they are going away.
Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident.
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
When water freezes you can walk on it.
To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.
The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Summer days are longer that winter days because heat expands it.
The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
